It’s one of the things I think first time parents, particularly mum’s (not always but mostly) are most excited about. Decorating the baby’s room. It’s a stereotypical pregnancy thing the nesting instinct – mum’s spending hours pouring over designs, regularly shown in TV shows/films as an important part of the build up to the baby. Dad’s building furniture and doing it all with mum sat by directing- she’s the one carrying the baby after all. Beautiful rooms all looking glossy and chic in magazines and then not so in homes. I remember Grey’s Anatomy, April coming home and Jackson had completed the nursery. I can think of many more but that one sticks out, probably because I was watching about the same time as thinking of mine, albeit whilst feeding a newborn.
I didn’t live at home whilst pregnant, not during the week. My job took me away from my home for weekdays so I lived in a room far away. I had every evening to pour over photos, the Internet and Pinterest. I found tutorials- how to make a homemade baby quilt (wish I’d copied the article…mine was a distinct ‘FAIL’ and 18 months on still isn’t finished. How to make a felt baby mobile (still in the ‘to do’ box. Think she’s a bit old now). But most importantly colour schemes, the furniture and the cot.
I saved hard for my baby. I diligently put away my money each month to ensure I had enough to spend what I wanted on her. She was much longed for and I had the good fortune to be able to do it. I scoured the Internet for the furniture set I wanted. Argos had an amazing deal on a mamas and papas set so I bought it. Two days later, an email ‘out of stock, discontinued’. They offered me a cheaper looking and built set for more money so I politely said no thanks whilst silently raging. Looking again I saw the mamas and papas set still advertised as for sale on their website. I went mad, I rang them, sobbed down the phone, told them it was unacceptable that they still advertised it despite me having long email discussions the week before saying its still on the website but you’re cancelling my order. Got a £20 voucher in the post. I didn’t want that. My hormonal brain wanted the set, advertised for sale now a week after my order was cancelled.
Putting on my big girl pants, I started looking at others. I found an East Coast set, similar price but beautiful and sturdy and the type of cot bed I liked. I’m not a fan of these sleigh ones to be honest. I put in an order, entered a delivery date and…2 days later ‘out of stock. Discontinued’. I was gutted. Everywhere I looked for this set it was gone. I couldn’t find it anywhere, I couldn’t find anything else I liked. Eventually, I found it in separate pieces (cot bed, then wardrobe and change unit) in Sainsbury’s. It was a lot more money but I worked hard, I bought it. Thankfully, it arrived, we put it up, it’s beautiful.
We lived in rented accommodation- still do in fact, but the first we weren’t allowed to decorate. I didn’t dislike the room, or corner of the spare room to be designated hers so was relatively happy although would have loved a blank canvas to really go to town on. Her furniture fitted, I compromised with wall stickers and made it lovely. One thing I did scour gumtree for was a rocking chair, a beautiful wooden one. Turns out I rarely used it at first but it came from a loving family uses with both their children, and they were excited it was going to another child. It’s used more now and I’m so glad I have it.
Roll on 9 months and we move houses and cities. Baby finally has her own room and we can paint it if we want. It has her furniture in and her rug but ten months on I still haven’t done anything to it. She has two pictures up and that’s it. It’s a mess, untidy, unfinished. I really want to do something to it, but equally I don’t know what. It’s an awkward shape, so her cot bed is near the window and the heater (pulled away from them though, heater is off as its warm enough without) and her wardrobe and cheat of drawers are tucked behind the door out of sight. It’s not an ideal layout but can’t see what else to do. She literally sleeps in here, occasionally plays if I’m putting her clothes away or I remember it’s blacked out and she loves fairy lights, but to all other intents and purposes it’s a room for sleeping in. Still, I feel I’ve failed her not making it nice. Hers. Individual. I feel I’ve failed me, not doing what I want, not being happy with it. It feels unfinished, impersonal. There’s shelves to put up but I don’t know where. We bought a teepee for it but the room is too small. Ideally I’d love her to have the spare room- the massive window, huge space, lots of room for playing and everything I want her to have but we need it- both our parents live miles away so if they visit they have to stay. I regularly have friends to stay too so need a spare room and double bed.
In the grand scheme of things it’s nothing. She’s warm, loved, she has her own quiet room and space. I’m being a brat really when people would be desperate to be in our position. I have my beautiful girl. I just feel something is missing it being plain and white and boring. Jealousy is creeping in of these beautiful nursery’s (mainly people who’s husband know how to DIY. God love him mine mostly doesn’t).
Off to B&Q it is then.